


Aizome

by Daiya_Darko



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Flashbacks, Klingon, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 15:16:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daiya_Darko/pseuds/Daiya_Darko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hikaru saw red the day that the Klingons attacked, but remembering is indigo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aizome

**Author's Note:**

> That new nifty Star Trek app said Sulu is a survivor of a Klingon attack on the colony world Ganjitsu in 2248. In the new movie, there's a scene where he's addressing the Klingons, and it got me wondering if the way he handled that might have been in any way connected to the attack. Which then got me wondering how he responds period. Song referenced is Aizome by Mamiko Noto.

_When they came, Hikaru was only eleven._

_He had so many questions, like “who are they” and “why are they attacking us if we did nothing wrong?”_

_His parents simply hushed him and ushered him and his sister Aiko to their underground emergency shelter. Hikaru wanted to grab his bonsai tree, but his father dragged him away from the kitchen just as it exploded behind them. Outside, the sky was bright red with explosions and fire. Buildings crumbled and fell as the earth shook violently._

_They sat in the basement for what felt like weeks, huddled together in the damp, cold as the world around them seemed to come to an end. Armed with only a type I phaser, his father stood guard in front of door, ready to shoot anyone who came in. The news crackled over their rudimentary broadcaster that Klingons had attacked, but no one knew why._

_Hikaru remembers the taste of blood in his mouth from biting his lip to keep from crying. He remembers how his sister trembled in his arms and how her blood felt seeping through his shirt. He wanted to say something, but he was afraid that if he opened his mouth, he would begin crying._

_He wanted to be as strong as his father looked at that moment, phaser set to kill._

_His mom held them and sang soft lullabies that he didn’t understand all the words too. He understands one phrase clearly, however: How many endless nights do I pass before the indigo grief will vanish soon?_

_When it was announced that the Federation had finally dispelled the Klingons and it was safe, only then did Hikaru allow himself to cry tears of relief. He held his head high as he helped his little sister walk up the stairs and into the light, but the sun was shrouded by clouds of ash and dust. He felt so much anger at that moment; all Aiko had wanted in those long weeks was to feel the sun against her skin again, to never have to descend into darkness once more._

_Hikaru clenched his fist and bit his lip._

_He remembers how the blood then tasted different from before._

* * *

“Are you ready?”

“At your lead, captain.”

“Sulu, come on,” Jim straightened from his crouched position on the mat and held his arms open in question. “We’re off duty. We’ve gone to keggers together.”

Hikaru shoots for Jim’s legs and lifts him off the mat to slam him on his back. As he rolls him into a pin, Hikaru grunts, “We’ve been at the same keggers, but we didn’t exactly go together.”

Jim rolls on his stomach and pulls his legs from Hikaru’s hold. “Same difference.”

They grapple for a few moments, quickly working up a sweat until Jim finally taps out when Hikaru pulls him into a tight choke hold. They fall apart, lying on the mat as they catch their breath. Hikaru takes slow, deep pulls of air as he tries to lower his heart rate again. He hasn’t been exercising enough to compensate for the effects of deep space travel, but he does give himself a small pat on the back for being able to tap out Jim.

“So why fencing?”

“What?” Jim’s question catches Hikaru off guard momentarily. Usually people don’t ask “why do you fence” once they hear that you do; it just gets laughed out of the conversation or ignored.

“You fence, but I’ve seen you, and that’s not your standard rapier fencing.”

“You’d be surprised,” Hikaru rolls to his stomach and pushes himself up into a kneeling position. “I say fencing, but that’s only because it’s easier to explain than say, kendo or kenjutsu. I mean, I’m trained in all three, but I just say fencing to save time.”

“Huh,” Jim responds curiously. “So why’d you choose those?”

Hikaru blinks and tries to shove back the sound of his kitchen exploding. He pictures fields of indigo and exhales. “I needed an extracurricular hobby and it was this or begin learning how to run a flower shop.”

“Didn’t you do that anyways?”

Hikaru chuckles. “Yeah, I suppose I did. Want to get a bite to eat?”

He forces the conversation in another direction because there are some things you don’t discuss with your captain, even if he is your friend.

* * *

 

_The phaser was only good for one shot. If it was used, they’d have nothing else to defend themselves with – or so Hikaru thought._

_His father rummaged through old storage containers until he found a long, wooden sheath and hooked it to his belt._

_“Hikaru, come here,” his father beckoned, and hesitantly, he released his sister and joined his father across the basement._

_“Take this,” his father pushed a small, sheathed dagger into his hands, “and use it when it is time.”_

_Fortunately, that time never came and his father never asked for it back._

_Hikaru asked for swordsmanship lessons once they returned to earth, and his father wordlessly agreed, finding a school through a friend of a friend._

_He would never be unprepared._

* * *

He pulls off his boots and sits on his bed, back to the door. It’s not something he normally does, and he tries not to make a habit of it. He doesn’t sleep with his back to doors, doesn’t sit with his back to doors if he can help it. The bridge is somewhat stressful in that way, but he’s learned to get past it. People he trusts are behind him and would stop anyone before they got to him – hopefully.

“Now I am become death,” Hikaru says to the ceiling as he lies on his bed. “Destroyer of worlds.”

“I suppose we all felt that, one way or another,” a softer voice comes from the door, and Hikaru smiles softly at Pavel as he walks in. He too slips off his boots and climbs into bed next to Hikaru, not close enough to touch, but enough to be comforting.

“Why are you quoting archaic scientists and mad men?”

“Do you ever feel that way?”

“I cannot say that I do.”

Hikaru turns back to the ceiling and says, “I just follow orders. I’m told to press a button and I press it. So did they. So does everyone whenever a ton of people are killed.”

Pavel lays his hand on Hikaru’s on his chest and squeezes. “You are not a murderer.”

“No, not yet. But the way that Starfleet is becoming, the way that we’ve become more militarized like the Marines?”

Pavel sits up on one arm and looks down at Hikaru as he talks. “It’s not the same. We are peace keepers. Sometimes you have to kick some ass to keep the peace.”

Hikaru smiles. “That’s how it always starts.”

They lie there silently, holding hands until they fall asleep and it’s time for work.

 

Hikaru and Pavel both get selected for an away mission, and exchange mischievous smiles when no one is looking.

They take off, documenting the fauna and collecting mineral and soil samples to take back to the ship. This is the kind of work Hikaru wants all the time, something that lets him and his best friend work together comfortably with no one shooting at them or trying to kill them. His complacency is short-lived, however, when he hears a rumble in the distance. Hikaru stands and looks out over the horizon, only to see dark smoke rise into the sky.

He grabs Pavel and tells him to run.

Of course he’s not supposed to run; he’s supposed to comm Jim and ask what’s going on and what to do. He’s supposed to hail the Enterprise and ask to be beamed up.

He’s not supposed to shove Pavel into a small cave and give him his phaser. He’s not supposed to hide the entry to the cave with bramble and tell Pavel, “ _shizukani_ ,” even though Pavel doesn’t speak Japanese.

No, he does all of that and _then_  thinks to ask what’s going on. When he’s told, “Hold your position, seek shelter, and await further instructions,” before being cut off, Pavel slips back into the mind of that eleven-year-old boy who only wanted to grow plants and keep his sister safe.

Hikaru watches as a shadow falls over the land, and looks up at the burning sky.

He draws his sword; if he can’t protect the people he loves, then there’s no reason to survive another attack.

He can hear their footsteps trampling the earth beneath them, careless and crass, ignorant to the fragile ecosystem. Hikaru can taste the blood on his tongue, like before when he stepped out into the overcast red skies.

He swings and slices through the mid-section of a Klingon. He dodges another and stabs it in the back. He swings and blocks, jumps and dives, expertly defending the cave from these would-be intruders. If they know it’s there, they make no indication of it and Pavel hasn’t tried to come out guns blazing, fortunately. Hikaru doesn’t want Pavel to see him like this, on the verge of a break from reality as he finally gives that young boy inside him the justice he so deserves.

When the last Klingon falls, Hikaru lowers his sword and gasps for breath, the adrenaline beginning to taper off. He can feel the lacerations on his legs and torso and arms. He can feel the bruises. He knows something is cracked. He hurts, but he can’t let himself rest now.

“Pavel?”

“Hikaru?” Pavel crawls out through the brush and quickly runs to Hikaru’s side, tutting over the extensive damage. “You should have let me help you.”

“Nah, I needed the exercise,” Hikaru laughs breathlessly. “Look up at the sky.”

Pavel gives him a confused stare, but indulges him. “I see nothing.”

“Can you see the sun?”

“Yes. Hikaru, what is this – Hikaru?”

Hikaru doesn’t respond as he falls to the ground with exhaustion.

There are some things you don’t tell your best friends, even if you might be a little in love with them.

* * *

 

Hikaru awakes in a sterile room with a panic.

The beeping escalates dramatically, and Dr. McCoy and a few nurses come running in.

“At ease, Sulu,” he presses a firm hand against Hikaru’s chest and pushes him back against the bed. “You’re safe. And before you ask, yes, so is Chekov.”

Hikaru blinks a few times and smiles. “Can I go?”

“Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how long it took me to stitch you back together like a ragdoll? You’re going to be taking some much needed bed rest until I clear you for duty.”

“How many stitches?”

“Twenty, and I had to set a rib.” McCoy scowls disapprovingly and presses a few buttons on the monitor. “You’re lucky to be alive. You lost a lot of blood.” As he walks out, McCoy rolls his eyes at something by the door and looks back at Hikaru. “Oh yeah, and this thing hasn’t left my sickbay since they brought you in yesterday.”

“Yesterday?” But then Hikaru forgets about the exact timing of events as Pavel walks in with a small box.

“Hey.”

“Hi. Is that for me?” Hikaru points at the box in Pavel’s hands.

Pavel nods. “I thought you would feel better with something to look at while you rest.”

Hikaru opens it and pulls out a small bonsai tree. It’s eerily similar to the one he lost in the attack.

“This is beautiful,” Hikaru whispers as he carefully traces the branches. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” Pavel dismisses shyly.

“No,” Hikaru snaps. “It _is_ something. It’s very important to me, to…” Hikaru drifts off as he recalls eleven years ago and grabs Pavel’s hand.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay.” Pavel fetches a stool from across the room and gets comfortable next to Hikaru’s bed, taking his hand in his again.

Hikaru tells him everything that happened as he remembers it, allows someone to share these painful memories that isn’t a fellow survivor or a family member. He sings pieces of the song that his mother sang, tells Pavel that indigo is his favorite color because that song - _Aizome_ \- helped keep him calm. Imagining it manages to stop the flashbacks. Pavel listens intently without saying a word until Hikaru has finished. Only then does he say, “You need to be more open.”

“I know.”

“No you don’t. You’re obstinate. I knew something was bothering you lately, but you didn’t want to talk about it.”

Hikaru smiles apologetically. “Sorry.”

“I’ll forgive you if you tell the captain.”

“Why?”

“Because you experienced a trauma related to Klingons. As a captain, he’s supposed to make sure no one has crazy flashbacks that result in them killing ten Klingons on their own and nearly dying from blood loss and exhaustion.”

Hikaru is silent. There’s no arguing the logic there.

“I’ll tell him.”

“Okay.”

“Only if you agree to let me call you my boyfriend.”

Pavel stares at Hikaru unblinkingly, then rolls his eyes. “You’re a handful, you know that?”

“It’s part of my charm. You like it.”

“I will deny it until my dying day.”

“You almost died yesterday, therefore you can deny it no longer.”

“Shut up,” Pavel chuckles, and leans down to kiss Hikaru gently on the mouth.

There are some things you tell you don’t tell your friends, unless they’re also your captain, and there are some things you tell your best friend, especially when you’re a little bit in love with him.


End file.
